merry belated christmas...
its crazy how quickly it came and went this year.

after the news the family received right before christmas, everything else was icing on the cake. it was a truly great christmas. sure it may not have been perfect in some ways but still remain to be something that i had hoped for. quality time spent with the family, low-key time off and far too much food. its the simple things that i seem to appreciate the most now - multiple games of janga with the brother on christmas morning make me smile. im glad to have these moments and to appreciate them, not to get so caught up in everything, to not see the beauty in them.

may be i appreciated every little moment a touch more this year, since there is a possibility of not being a calgarian this time next year... that due to travel and more commitments may mean less time.

truth be told, life is changing. im changing.
life is about learning, growing and taking risks.
life has been about a lot of big girl decisions these last few months.

there finally seems to a clear view of what i want out of life.
professional and personal.

its scary yet pretty damn exciting!

2011 is going to be an interesting year <3

CANCER-FREE!

best news of life.
<3

all i want for christmas...

March 31, 2010 was the day we found out, that she had cancer.
Funny, it can be laughed upon now, how she told me as I was driving her home from the hospital...

Note. Do Not Tell Someone Life Changing News While They Are Driving. Tears & Confusion May Cause Accident. (luckily did not happen)

Stage Three Colon Cancer.
It had started to spread into her lymp notes.

2 surgeries.
6 months of Chemotherapy
A million and one doctor appointments.
A spirit beaten, not broken.

Tomorrow brings us 10 days before Christmas and a meeting with the doctors, that will have an answer to this:

How affective was Chemotherapy...
What the next step is...

Truthfully, I'm completely anxious over what could happen.
I'm trying to not let myself think of the 'what ifs', scary thoughts of treatment not being effective...

All I want is this to be over for my mom, who for the first time in my life I watched struggle. the physical and emotional effects of everything have taken its toll on this incredibly strong lady, who has given soo much to others over the years.

Please let tomorrow be the beginning of Cancer-Free!

Words to live by....

Do you ever have those moments where you stop for a second and realize that you’re actually content with where life is and where it's taking you?

I had one today.

Despite all that’s happened this year with my family, we all seem to be doing ok and happy. Taking the best lessons out of the negative and looking forward to the positive. It’s made us better and stronger.

I have some amazing friends - Soo talented, compassionate, driven and inspiring.
Everyday they remind me of what is possible out there in this big world. From pretty much ruling the world to the most precious of marriages, they all teach me so much.
I couldnt be more grateful for the moments they have helped me, made me laugh or sent care packages on bad weeks.
Captured Design is headed in the right direction... busier and busier...
a fanbase that is growing. different shooting opportunities. new ideas being created.

All in all, life is sorting itself out in a beautiful way.
<3

another year older...

Weeks before my 26th birthday, I figured I would be fine.
Twenty-five had come and gone with ease...
But to my surprise, last week was a hard week...

Some may say it was my quarter-life crisis, the realization of finally dealing with and accepting the past.

I made mistakes.
I let people down.
I let myself down.
I did things for the wrong reasons.
I tried to be something I wasnt.
I didnt understand who I truly was.
I needed to be seen as perfect.

I never had a lot of self-love back then.
I never did see the great qualities and talents I had.

As much as Ive grown from this, Ive struggled to completely let go of it.
I've blamed myself for a long time over things I did and didnt do.

But sitting here tonight, I feel like a weight is gone.
I have this bright future ahead of me.

would you like to touch my boob?! it's the thing to do.

You got to love hearing from your doctor…
‘I know we told you that this was all over and done with but after reviewing your file, we’ve decided that we’re going to continue to send you for tests every few months’

Lindsey is back on Lump Watch...

Monitering for growth and the possibility of morphing into cancer.
More breast exams and ultrasounds in my future.

Sort of feel like a cheap whore, with how many people have felt me up over the last couple of years.
Cant we, for once, just let the boyfriend do that job :)

Life is peachy.

a beautiful moment.

Last Minutes with ODEN from phos pictures on Vimeo.


this makes me bawl everytime...

Finding Balance...

Work. School. Shoot. Work. Clean. Edit. Work. School. Homework. Work. Deadline. Deadline. Work. Volunter. Work. School. Movie. Work. Fundraiser. Work.

‘Hi, My name is Lindsey. I work fulltime, go to college nights/weekends and building my own photography company. I’m also involved with various non-profit organizations and causes in the city. yes perhaps I’m a bit of an over-achiever but I’m always on the go, always doing something. And because of this, I’m getting FAT.’

HAHA.

In reality, I’m not so maybe I should rephrase…
I feel gross.
Any downtime I get seems to be spent exhausted.
This needs to change. I miss the energy provided from regular gym time. I miss the little extra bounce in my step.

How does one find the right balance of everything…

To be honest as bad as it may sound, the only time I seem to let myself take life slow, is when the boyfriend is around. We aren't able to see each other much so everything must slow down. enjoy our time when we have it. These little tidbits are good though, they seem to remind me of why I work soo hard. the reason why some days are long, draining and seemingly make me think im losing my mind.

I want to be my own boss - I want the freedom to choose where I work. I want the ability to easily travel for work or play. I want the freedom and time to choose where my abilities are needed and be involved in the community around me

I want that accomplishment.

Maybe I just want to be able to be successful yet be able to be at home. To live the best life possible with the man I end up marrying and to have the ability to watch my child learn and explore as much as possible (settle down mom, children are still undecided in my book)

But for now,
Just need more hours in the day so I can remain heathly and beautiful <3

Vote, please!

Be the change you want to see…
So Vote.

I don’t understand why people choose not to vote.

‘I don’t know who is running or know anything about them so why should I vote’ – this is the age of the internet and google, people! it takes all of ten minutes, if you truly are just that busy… If you live under a rock, local newspapers are a great tool as well…

‘There’s no candidate that I want to vote for’ – well how about the process of elimination, weed out the unattractive and vote for the person that remains. It’s rare that you have a candidate that you completely agree 100% with on everything. So choose the best out of the bunch.

Or ‘I just don’t care’ – How can you not?! Our leaders affect all of us, whether you believe it or not. I’m sure we’ve all complained about taxes and construction before… If you don’t vote, I think you give up your right to complain about anything that happens.

Regardless of what you believe and who you vote for, we should all vote.

It’s one of those great freedoms we have, that soo many of us take for granted. We have the ability to choose our leaders, the people that run our cities, provinces and our country… we have a say in what goes on while many people in the world still do not.

Its what our Canadian Forces are fighting for in Afghanistan, the rights of people... people’s freedom to choose. people’s right to be heard.

Maybe people just forget how lucky we are to be in Canada and to be Canadian.

Why the heck am I settling?!
Why am I sitting here on the safe side?!

Anyone that knows me slightly well enough, knows I believe…

in living the fullest life.
in being passionate about what you believe in.
going after what you want.
finding the best out of everything.
knowledge is power.
being a grown-up with a child’s heart and spirit.

who is this that ive become..
enough is enough.
no more.

finally made her decision...

she will not be attending ACAD in Janurary.
she has decided to venture onto a slighty similer, kind-of-sort-of, path...

Photojournalism.

i want to be & make a difference.

Failure.

i’m not going to lie, this 7-letter word scares the crap out of me.
it’s a word i try not to think about.

as i put more time, energy and money towards building Captured Design, the more it pops into my head.

the more i achieve with this, the more it demands.
all of sudden, there is a million and one things that need to be done.
i feel like i need about 3 more hours in the day, just to get caught up.

i’m sure anyone building their own business feels this way.

so many come and go in this industry, you have to be completely on your game to survive and grow.
it's kind of scary.

but then again,

if you never try, how does one ever succeed.

im going to remind myself to smile when i feel overwhelmed...
because im lucky to be able to have this opportunity to do what i love!
and that there's a crazy amount of people rooting for me.

<3

do what you believe in.

One of the true perks of being a photographer, is being able to volunteer your skills to local causes.

To help provide awareness to the great people & groups that help our city out soo much.

I'm truly honored to be shooting on behalf of Homeless Awareness Calgary, for their 14th Annual Homeless Awareness Week.

September 17th to September 25th, 2010

A week completely filled with truly interesting experiences, talks & fun.

Please visit http://www.homelessawareness.ca/ and get involved this week and all throughout the year.

saturday nights at home.

this turns into this

Pasta with Rosemary Shrimp Scampi

Coarse salt and ground pepper
12 ounces spaghetti
1 pound large (31 to 35) peeled and deveined frozen shrimp, tails on (if desired), thawed
3 tablespoons olive oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 tablespoons coarsely chopped fresh rosemary
1/4 teaspoon red-pepper flakes
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

Directions

1. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook spaghetti until al dente; reserve 1/2 cup pasta water. Add shrimp to pot, and stir. Immediately drain spaghetti and shrimp, and set aside (the shrimp will continue to cook).

2. In same pot, heat oil over medium. Add garlic, rosemary, and red-pepper flakes. Cook, stirring, until garlic is golden, 1 to 3 minutes. 

3. Remove from heat; return pasta and shrimp to pot. Add lemon juice and enough pasta water to create a thin sauce that coats pasta. Season with salt and pepper, and serve.

Serves 4

welcome to studio lighting 101...

One of my shots....

me, myself and the photo class.

looking back, i’ve come a long way…

pictures are completely different to those a few years ago. i had talent but now those shots are not even comparable to the ones now.

damn proud of that.

i use to be content with just teaching myself (because its just photos - haha) and had only started this photography program to get that certain piece of paper that would say ‘hey i kind-of-sort-of know what I’m doing’…

it was the best decision I could have made.
i quickly learnt that, even with everything i understood before walking into the classroom, i barely knew anything.

i’ve been blessed with instructors that are amazing, talented photographers.
soo willing and excited to teach what they love.

these classes have been invaluable. experience, tricks of the trade & just the networking alone. but most of all, their passion fuels mine.

soon this program will be over and to be honest, this makes me sad.
i wouldn’t be where I am now without this.

i wouldn’t have people booking me for weddings & events.
i wouldn’t be the official photographer for anything.
i wouldn’t be making the next step into photojournalism.

this whole ‘professional photographer' feels really surreal…

a calgary must...

Calgary Farmers Market

One of my favorite places in the city....

Check it out at...

H6, 4421 Quesnay Wood Drive SW
Calgary, Alberta T3E7K4
(only until December 23rd when it moves to Blackfoot)

you know what i love...

going to the doctor and everything being good!

no new tests.
no paperwork sending me for more follow-up.
no more 'i need to see you again in a few months'.

the ordeal of the last two years, is finally completely over!

after the cancer scare, lindsey finally has a 'straight across the board' clean bill of health.

*dance dance*

a firm believer that everyone that comes in and out our lives has a purpose…

sometimes they bring heartbreaking situations.
some will make us question everything about ourselves.
some remind us of just how easy it is to laugh and be happy.
some teach us of who we don’t want to be.
some show us that any dream is possible.

i think people often forget how much power they have on other people’s lives.
we choose to be an awesome cheerleader or a 'debbie downer' to those around us.
we choose how to react to others successes, failures and mistakes.
do you give the pep talk or do you ridicule?

i haven’t always made the best decisions but I hope people look at me and see someone that adds some sort of quality/substance to their life.
that I’m able to inspire just like many of my friends with their talents, passions and love for life.

at the end of the day, I hope to remain a positive influence and that people can come to me and feel good in doing so. that in a friends darker moments they would come find me for comfort and support. that my advice would help them.

because we all need that someone in our lives, to ‘spaz’ dance with over fantastic moments and to pass the chocolate ice cream when the not so awesome happens.

no one is perfect.
and sometimes people are just looking for support.

i hope you, as well, strive to be this person to those around you, regardless of who they are.

what i learnt tonight?

a) i, now, truly understand why people pay other people to do all their website designs and etc... im creative and love to design but, honestly, im a uber picky perfectionist when it comes to my own stuff. frankly i dont think i have the patience to do so. it would never be a finished product because i would keep finding things to change. just building my blog from a template left me frustrated and dissatisfied. im more likely to be content with someone else's design.

i built captured design's blog tonight... Captured Design.

im hoping to sucker Spoons, computer/web genius, into building Captured Design's website for me with beer and gummi bears one of these days.  the world is better off this way. trust me.

b) banana muffins with peanut butter are like heaven .

c) big brother is still on?!?!

and finally, i MUST start watering grass much earlier than 10:30pm!

must thank you. yes, you!

its always most unexpected ways that you are reminded that people care.

today i changed this blog's url address.
today i got numerous 'lindsey i cant find your blog'.
i wont lie, it warmed my heart.

so to all you stellar people that read this little piece of cyberspace....

Thank You.

should be a monkey by now...

i heart all things banana.

Banana Bread

1 cup white flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 cup sugar
3 very ripe bananas mashed until smooth
2 eggs
1 stick butter (8 tablespoons)
1 teaspoon vanilla

Preheat over to 350 F. Use some butter to grease a loaf pan. Mix together the dry ingredients and soften the butter in the microwave. Mix bananas, eggs, butter, and vanilla into the dry ingredients just until cohesive (do not over mix). Bake for 45-60 minutes until browned. Use the toothpick or fork method - insert toothpick in center of bread and it should come out mostly clean when done.

Quite easy to make...

must keep smiling.

Why is it that when you finally feel like life is going to give you a little bit of break, it gives you more stress to deal with???

I finally felt refreshed.
Finally felt like I could breathe again.

Both parents are sick.
Both need a lot of attention.
Stress, worry and having no idea what to do to make things better…

These are the times I hate that all of our family is in Ontario…
I wish my brother and I had more help…

I feel so beautiful today babababababadaba...

Quite a few years ago, I stumbled upon a little band from Edmonton…

Originally Fifth Season, though most people know them as Social Code...
‘Patiently Waiting’ was their album at the time…

Quickly fell in love with their music…

Back then, not many knew who they were or cared.
I remember it being difficult trying to find someone to go the first show I saw of them.
Some even made fun of my love for their music.
Songs always seemed to hit home with me.

I remember hearing them for the first time on local radio and being so excited for them because they were getting more exposure, radio play for them now is no big deal.

I’ve bought their first album as Social Code, ‘A Year at the Movies’ three times since it was released in 2004; One of my go-to albums… The song’ Everything’s Fine, is perfect for blaring in the car after a bad day.

Since then they have released, ‘Social-Code’ and ‘Rock ‘N’ Roll’…
Both great albums but don’t sit quite as well as the original does.

I keep learning of friends going their show in town tomorrow…
Ones that had once turned down going to see them before.

Needless to say, im still getting use to them getting more and more successful but damn proud to have watched them grow over the years.

Here’s to more great music to come from the boys & a great show tomorrow…


So if you haven’t heard SOCIAL CODE before, YOU MUST!

Single off their newest album.... Social Code - Satisfied

<3

Listen: Social Code - Satisfied

photo of the weekend.

Calgary Stampeders vs. Winnipeg Blue Bombers

July 31st, 2010

Calgary Won!

Listen: She & Him - In The Sun

one of the reasons i love calgary...

this is only 40 minutes away...

<3

blog re-vamped...

Finally gave in...

Re-Designed!

Let me know if you like.

thanks to Seth @ http://x929.ca/ for the stellar tunes...

congrats on your first show.

Listen: KO - Capable

Severe Thunderstorm & Tornado Warning...

i'm so excited.

Struggling with focusing on anything concerning work....

but

this is tonight!

make me smile.

feeling so uninspired.
perhaps get lost with the camera tonight.

must get out of this 'blah' mood.

time to play grown up?!

Time to make some big girl decisions…
Answer some questions and get to work.

25 never fazed me.
But the fact that i turn 26 in a few months, seems to be a wake-up call…

Where the heck do I want to be in the next few years?
How do I want to be financially?
Where do I want Capture Design to be?

Do I move back to the oil & gas industry full-time again?
I will be most likely taking over Global Energy from my father in the future.

There is an opportunity where I am now, fantastic money but ridiculous hours = no life.
What am I willing to sacrifice?

I don’t want much in the end…
Nice home.
Nice vehicle.
Dog(s).
Travel.
Husband.

Time to focus…

nothing like retail therapy...

for quite awhile, ive been looking for a nice black leather bike jacket...

i finally found 'the one'.
its beautiful.

and sadly, it makes me happy everytime i look at it.

happy girl.

Marks are up...

this girl aced her classes this semester!

*happy dance*

i would pretty much give anything for some poached eggs and multi-grain toast right now.

that is all.

Addictive: 'I Like That' - Static Revenger & Richard Vission ft. LUCIANA

my little boy.

I recently checked off another thing on my life 'to-do’ list, something I’ve been meaning to do for awhile.

I sponsored a little boy from Cambodia.
He’s 6 years old and loves learning.
I couldn’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to getting a letter from him.

We all know those heart-breaking World Vision Commercials, where all you want to do is cry for the little boy with the fly sitting on his face.

I know many believe that all it is, is a set-up ploy to get money… get the cutest, most bones showing kids to make the commercial… I get the cynicism but at the same time, the sad reality is that probably less people would donate if they weren’t appearance appealing.

Fucked world we live in.
But anyways…

I’m happy about this new addition :)

blood, sweat & smiles.

You know you’ve been busy when you are excited to actually get to sleep in… its been 6 weeks since I’ve rolled out of bed later than 6am. Oddly enough I haven’t cared about this. I never was a morning person; I love my sleep but then again, I’m doing what I love. 6:30am shoot times are full of yawns upon arriving to location but the lighting at that time of the day is amazing.

This is my life now. I’ve never been more focused than I am now. Lindsey Dawn Photography was an idea when I could make the time…

Captured Design is now my reality and future. It takes up a ridiculous amount of my time but that’s ok. I’m lucky to have a fan base already and a list of friends who want to me to shoot their wedding when the day comes. I can’t even describe how much I appreciate the support they give me.

Even when they whore me out for cupcakes… Thanks Erin…

As much as I revel in the idea of the opportunity of sleeping in tomorrow, it probably won’t happen. I think ill rather enjoy the fact that I don’t have to be anywhere instead. Maybe edit in my pajamas with a big mug of coffee. I don’t have anything planned tomorrow because, well frankly, I forgot it was a holiday. And as much as I want to plan to do a bunch of stuff, I’m refraining. I have a feeling that days like this, will become a rarity in the coming months so I must take advantage of them when they come about.

Almost kind of unbelievable that this is life now, who would have thought... I would have never guess this is where I would be a few years ago. I have always loved photos and taking them but there never was any plans to make it more than that. Two years ago, I started to learn more of the technical side of things and my quality of shot greatly improved. It was then that people started to make comments and wanting me to shoot for them, that this began a thought as a career.

‘when you really love what you do, it never feels like a job. Its just apart of who are’
-Keith Johnson, Photographer

Isn’t that the truth…

I am blessed.

summer = happy.

Dear Weekend,

Where did you go?? You were too good to end soo quickly.

Photos, Bonfire, Drinking Chocolate Milk in the Park, Lilith Fair…
You embodied everything summer.

Until Til Next Time.

L.

icky buckleys face.

Totally made the mistake of coming into work today… I never made it in yesterday. I’ve been crazy sick for the past 2 days. Buckley’s has become my shot of choice; straight from the bottle. Only me can get this sick in June.

Now the big debate is school tonight… I know I probably shouldn’t go but its one of those classes that if you miss one, you’re pretty much screwed. Only 2 more classes for this course, ill be damned if I screw it up now. Plus I couldn’t imagine re-doing this course with this instructor, great photographer but a little hard to sit through his lectures at night.

Now I wonder how much Buckley’s too much?? The bottle says ‘Do not exceed 5 doses in 24 hours’ Well its 1:45pm and I’m about to take dose #4 of the day. I’ve been taking every 2 hours. It only seems to work for about an hour. FAIL!!

Anyways must try and focus on work…

I have the flaw of being too self-critical…
I’m ridiculously hard on myself and the things I do.
I’m complete perfectionist with the things I care about.

I don’t give myself enough credit.
I still believe that my photos are mediocre, even though people tell me all the time how talented I am.

My life always seems to be a work in progress.
I’m rarely ever just content with things.

Though I like where I’m headed...
Photo takes up all my free time right now but it’s paying off…
Everyday I make new contacts and network with other photographers in the city.
Booking shoots has become a normal occurence.

As I grow more into this world, the more I seem to be finding myself.
Sometimes I feel lost in where I am but not so much these days.
I’m lucky to be able to do what I love.
the freedom to be happy.

It’s teaching me that if something is in your heart, it’s worth the fight.
Even with the stumbles and falls along the way.

Happiness isnt given to you, its achieved.

hectic life.

I have no idea how I’m going to sit through class tonight. its 2:15pm and I’m struggling with how tired I am. The last few days have been rather ridiculous. Not that I should complain though. School is good; regardless of the crazy schedule it seems to have me doing.

I have two shoots this week. Seemingly anxious about both.

I also would like to thank the boy sitting across from me on campus last night, while waiting for class to start… why do I want to thank him? You had me do a triple take to make sure you weren’t someone I care about. Someone I miss. You threw me off.

It’s funny what you come to realize as you grow older…
You learn more of a direct view of what makes you happy.
You learn that settling will never make you happy in the end.
Mistakes are ok if you learn from them.
People will hurt you but it will make you stronger.
That life is only as hard as you make it or perceive it to be.

If only I could have a hot shower and a nap right now…

shooting wildlife is easier than people.

A few of the shots I took on the weekend...

I sat in a bush for awhile.

Risked being stung by a bee. I HATE BEES!

All in all, Im happy with the shots.

brother plays soccer.

My first attempt at Sports Photography with my new Zoom lens.

Not the greatest but not bad.

giddy like a little school girl.

Registered for the rest of my photo classes, I'll be finished in only a few months :)

PHOT-245 Wedding Photography
PHOT-227 Studio Portrait Lighting
PHOT-247 Advanced Studio Portrait Lighting
PHOT-103 Making Money with your Camera

couldnt be happier to get this program over and done with.

first class is saturday afternoon.... eeekk.

my thoughts told by foamy.

day one is over.

i never got to any of the doctor appointments or information sessions before today. i was stuck at work and there was always people willing to go with her. mainly my dad and my 'aunt' - my mom's best friend thats been around as i can remember aka 'the second mom'. i walked into the hospital today blind. no idea what to expect. sort of a daunting feeling and most likely why my stomach was the way it was the last few days. Worried?! Worried of a bad reaction to the chemo meds or evil, cranky nurses that would be mean to my mom. Whether or not the worries were realistic or justified, they were there.

as I dreaded this day. mom was happy that it was here. the sooner it begins the sooner it ends. she's upbeat. even the joke of last night's dinner was her future 'chemo anger', the doctors told her she would be more prone to anger with the treatments. not sure whether from the meds or just the toll of the whole situation. i dont blame her. heck im not even the patient and im exhausted. no one deserves to go through this. being in the cancer center, makes you realize how many are affected by this diease. the waiting room for the day-patient chemotherapy unit was packed. most of which you would never assume they had cancer. but then again, isnt that how it always is.

the center has a calming effect, perfect for what it deals with. Well-Organized and Cheerful. Volunteers roam the treatment unit looking to help or provide families with what ever is needed. i dont think ive ever been asked so many times if i wanted juice, coffee or cookies in the five and a half hours we were there. they make things quite comfortable there for all involved. the nurses are fabulous and gracious, even when laughing at everything mom had brought with her. even i think it was tad much for an afternoon stay but this is my mom we are talking about. always over-prepared for everything. but it made her happy and thats all that matters.

pretty much a waiting game once the IV is inserted... starting off with a bag of sugar water, then a bag of certain vitmains to help off-set some of the effects of the drugs... then 3 different bags of chemo... in between each there is a 15-minute flush. Mom seemed to just lay there, half asleep at times. before we knew it, it was time to get ready to head home. long yet quick stay.

she still remains on a chemo drip for the next 2 days at home, with what they call a 'baby bottle' in a fanny pack... she goes back on thursday to get it removed and cleaned.

we came to her place to rented movies and pizza. no will to cook or to do much else. rather a good end to a long day.

all in all the day was better then i thought it would be. drained but happy. happy to know the process. happy to know that everyone there is great. that my mom is in great hands. and that soon enough this will be all over and done with.

Happy Birthday Little Brother.

The original partner-in-crime is now... 21.

Happy Freaking Birthday, Brad.

I'm glad that you love the rice cooker and slow cooker but I find it rather funny that these are what you asked for.

just sometimes.

Do you ever have one of those days where you wish the little decisions of daily life could be made for you?? Looking through my closet this morning, I kind of wished the choice of what to wear was already made for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to choose what I wear to work as opposed to having to wear a uniform day in and out. I take pride in what I wear and how I present myself. Nothing beats kitten heels and a black pencil skirt…

Today, there was no urge to rock the awesome.

I’m barely in the office this week, due to mom starting her chemotherapy treatments tomorrow. Most of my time off this year will be going to helping my mom out. As much as vacation is needed, it shall wait.

I wish I could shake this sick feeling in my stomach, the feeling I’ve had for days. I know that in the end everything will be fine and dandy but the road to that point makes me a little upset. The more research you do has the ability to put you more at ease or increase your worry by ten fold. Some are barely affected by treatment and others hospital ridden after. Tomorrow we will get the first insight of how the next 6 months will be like. I hate the unknown.

We’re set to be at the hospital for 4 hours tomorrow afternoon, which 2 hours will be mom connected to an IV pumping her with a cocktail of treatment drugs.

Bought a new book to read while we sit there…

'This is how wars are fought now: by children, traumatized, hopped-up on drugs and wielding AK-47s. Children have become the soldiers of choice. In the more than fifty conflicts going on worldwide, it is estimated that there are some 300,000 child soldiers. Ishmael Beah used to be one of them.

What does war look like through the eyes of a child soldier? How does one become a killer? How does one stop? Child soldiers have been profiled by journalists, and novelists have struggled to imagine their lives. But it is rare to find a first-person account from someone who endured this hell and survived.

In A LONG WAY GONE: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier, Beah, now twenty-six years old, tells a powerfully gripping story: At the age of twelve, he fled attacking rebels and wandered a land rendered unrecognizable by violence. By thirteen, he’d been picked up by the government army, and Beah, at heart a gentle boy, found that he was capable of truly terrible acts. At sixteen, he was removed from fighting by UNICEF, and through the help of the staff at his rehabilitation center, he learned how to forgive himself, to regain his humanity, and, finally, to heal.

This is an extraordinary and mesmerizing account, told with real literary force and heartbreaking honesty.'

I’ll let you know how it is when I finish.

Should probably attempt to focus on doing some work for a bit....

home is where you make it :(

Its funny how we become attached to certain things...
Funding came through for my Design Degree this week, and well its fabulous news but what I don’t know is, if I want to admit, it may mean moving from my house.

My heart sinks when thinking about possibility of leaving.
Mind you this is coming from the girl who bawled her eyes out 4 years ago, when mom moved out the house my brother & I grew up in.

I really should be putting myself in a small apartment downtown, close to school and city transit.
Rather than being in a 3-bedroom home, on the very north edge of the city thats close to NOTHING.

And as much as I strive in change, I still hate the process of it.
Chapters of life come and go, I still hate leaving things behind.

how adorable :)

As a photographer, I'm always looking at photos to find inspiration. I can honestly spend a whole day just looking at photos, often wonder what the background story of the photo is or if there is one.

I stumbled across these two engagement shoots and fell in love.

Anyone that knows me well, knows that photography and disney are two of my loves.

These two couples combined them.

Up-inspired Photos.

So Creative.

Along the lines of how I would like mine one day....

Enjoy!!!!

how cute!

Shoot #1

Shoot #2

<3

Wanted: Please No Crazies.

Another roommate search is on...
As much as I dont want to, the mortgage payment & utilities suck.
I've become attached to this place so selling isnt an option at the moment.

I'm a private person.
My house is where I hide from people when I just need to re-boot.
I'm pretty particular how i like things.

If only a friend needed a place :(
I dont like strangers but bitting the bullet once again.

Frozen Fingers But All Smiles: 2010 Mother's Day Run & Walk

Snowing at the start line but another great year...

Mom will be there next year :)