fuck cancer.

she needs chemotherapy.

dancing in the rain, soaking wet...

do you ever feel like you have soo much going on that you have no idea whether your coming or going?? thats me right now....

this last week has left my head spinning and my body feeling like its running this constant marathon, yet i feel like im getting nothing done. running in circles. i dont feel like i have time for anything that normally fills my regular routine. actually really miss running. making a decent dinner. a chance to breathe.

life has been chaotic since mom found out she has cancer 3 weeks ago...
as im sure it is for anyone dealing with this nasty disease. the whole world flips yet stays exactly the same. news like that always takes you back to whats truly important. i'll admit i've been a tad more irritable towards things that dont normally bother me, the 'is it really that important' frivolous happenings or comments.

yesterday was her surgery. very long and draining day. doctors went in hopeful that they would be able to remove most, if not all the cancer. tumor ended up being larger than they expected. the 4 hour surgery went well and mom is doing well; a lot of rest and pain medication. in a few days they will attempt small walks with her. she destined to be at the hospital for the next week or so. glad that this step is over and done with but as always, we wait for news... news that they got all the cancer and she's on her way to being cleared or the news that would put treatment options front and center. please no chemo. Another week to wait for that news....

Spirits are positive.
I think we're all waiting for life to go back to normal.
Back to the way it was,  well as much as it could be after this experience.

If only the weekend was here sooner.

comfort at it's finest.

I worked at restaurant for 3 years while I went to college…
Couldn’t be bothered with their food. Pretty standard fare.
But every once in a while, I crave…

Broccoli Cheese Soup in a Loaf
A creamy soup made with fresh broccoli and Velveeta cheese.
Served in a freshly baked bread bowl.

Its soooo good <3

poor little chicken.

For about 10 years, I only ate chicken…
No steak, No hamburgers & etc.

I’m pretty sure it drove my father nuts, ‘we live in Alberta, home of Alberta ‘AAA’ Beef. How can you not eat it’… Alberta beef is top-rated and seemingly a highlight when the relatives visit from Ontario. Even now, it rare for me to eat anything other than chicken… the odd steak with my father and the every once-and-while hamburger.

I’m pretty sure I would have gone vegetarian if I had figured out how to do so properly and if my family hadn’t refused tofu. Mind you, I really don’t have much of liking for it either. It was ruined by a horrible attempt by my mom, which completely turned off everyone. So chicken breast remained in my diet as protein, making sure my body got what it needed.

But do our bodies really need meat? Look at where we’ve come from… How did we start? Leaves, Nuts, Berries… I wonder when man first looked at another animal and thought to himself ‘I should eat that’… But somewhere along the line we became this all-consuming species. Seemingly the only places we haven’t taken over yet is the places we haven’t figured out how to reach yet, which are far and few inbetween.

Now I find myself in sort of moral dilemma, sitting watching Food Inc last night, they showed chickens being farmed (grown) in mass production in horrible conditions. They cut to a farm doing it right, the way it should be done in all cases. Natural. They killed their chicken the best way possible, quick and painless; slicing it’s head off. I couldn’t watch. I’m grateful for the life that is given but I don’t feel its right to consume something that I can’t watch the death of.

Now sitting here debating what to do…
Do I de-sensitize myself to the killing of an animal or do I re-work my diet, which seems quite daunting?

Must ponder more.

Watch Food Inc.

Changes need to be made.

irish cream in my coffee.

i heart saturday mornings. rolling out of bed without alarm around 9am, throwing on lululemon pants and one of my disney t-shirts, grinding coffee beans as the eggs poach and the toast pops from the toaster. An endless supply of morning cartoons to pick from. Whether it be Rocky & Bullwinke or Scooby Doo. In these moments, I re-charge... These are the moments where all the drama and stress from the week dissipates.

I find that I have been pondering about life a lot these past few days, after once again getting news of how our bodies are not invincible, as much as we wish they were. Reminded that even if we think were healthy, we may not actually be. That a moment can change everything we think we know.

With her disgnosis and my scare last year puts me at a higher risk, of facing it myself one day. This thought alone makes me question everything pertaining my body. What can i control? What cant i control? What do i need to change in how i live my life to make sure my body is in stellar condition? And yes i understand that even people doing everything right still get sick, its rather giving it the best possible chance to survival.

Also that dreams are good but not when you get stuck in them, when all your time goes into them. life has a tendency to pass by when when your trying to be something or get somewhere, rather than fully enjoying the moments put in front of you. so learn to let yourself take that time off to take that mini roadtrip or that few hours to hit that family bunch... Its more likely to help you, than harm you...

I think people have tendency to forget how to be truly happy. To understand what makes them happy and to cherish it. To take the time to have these moments. We're always in a hurry. Always trying to get the most things done in the quickiest time possible. Im guilty of that, thats for sure. I want to slow down, but will the rest of the world let me do that?

I battle with the fact i dont want to be ordinary... im rather discontent with where i am right now. 

Change is needed in my life.
To what extent is un-determined still.

If only I could just get lost in the woods right now...