merry belated christmas...
its crazy how quickly it came and went this year.

after the news the family received right before christmas, everything else was icing on the cake. it was a truly great christmas. sure it may not have been perfect in some ways but still remain to be something that i had hoped for. quality time spent with the family, low-key time off and far too much food. its the simple things that i seem to appreciate the most now - multiple games of janga with the brother on christmas morning make me smile. im glad to have these moments and to appreciate them, not to get so caught up in everything, to not see the beauty in them.

may be i appreciated every little moment a touch more this year, since there is a possibility of not being a calgarian this time next year... that due to travel and more commitments may mean less time.

truth be told, life is changing. im changing.
life is about learning, growing and taking risks.
life has been about a lot of big girl decisions these last few months.

there finally seems to a clear view of what i want out of life.
professional and personal.

its scary yet pretty damn exciting!

2011 is going to be an interesting year <3

CANCER-FREE!

best news of life.
<3

all i want for christmas...

March 31, 2010 was the day we found out, that she had cancer.
Funny, it can be laughed upon now, how she told me as I was driving her home from the hospital...

Note. Do Not Tell Someone Life Changing News While They Are Driving. Tears & Confusion May Cause Accident. (luckily did not happen)

Stage Three Colon Cancer.
It had started to spread into her lymp notes.

2 surgeries.
6 months of Chemotherapy
A million and one doctor appointments.
A spirit beaten, not broken.

Tomorrow brings us 10 days before Christmas and a meeting with the doctors, that will have an answer to this:

How affective was Chemotherapy...
What the next step is...

Truthfully, I'm completely anxious over what could happen.
I'm trying to not let myself think of the 'what ifs', scary thoughts of treatment not being effective...

All I want is this to be over for my mom, who for the first time in my life I watched struggle. the physical and emotional effects of everything have taken its toll on this incredibly strong lady, who has given soo much to others over the years.

Please let tomorrow be the beginning of Cancer-Free!

Words to live by....

Do you ever have those moments where you stop for a second and realize that you’re actually content with where life is and where it's taking you?

I had one today.

Despite all that’s happened this year with my family, we all seem to be doing ok and happy. Taking the best lessons out of the negative and looking forward to the positive. It’s made us better and stronger.

I have some amazing friends - Soo talented, compassionate, driven and inspiring.
Everyday they remind me of what is possible out there in this big world. From pretty much ruling the world to the most precious of marriages, they all teach me so much.
I couldnt be more grateful for the moments they have helped me, made me laugh or sent care packages on bad weeks.
Captured Design is headed in the right direction... busier and busier...
a fanbase that is growing. different shooting opportunities. new ideas being created.

All in all, life is sorting itself out in a beautiful way.
<3

another year older...

Weeks before my 26th birthday, I figured I would be fine.
Twenty-five had come and gone with ease...
But to my surprise, last week was a hard week...

Some may say it was my quarter-life crisis, the realization of finally dealing with and accepting the past.

I made mistakes.
I let people down.
I let myself down.
I did things for the wrong reasons.
I tried to be something I wasnt.
I didnt understand who I truly was.
I needed to be seen as perfect.

I never had a lot of self-love back then.
I never did see the great qualities and talents I had.

As much as Ive grown from this, Ive struggled to completely let go of it.
I've blamed myself for a long time over things I did and didnt do.

But sitting here tonight, I feel like a weight is gone.
I have this bright future ahead of me.

would you like to touch my boob?! it's the thing to do.

You got to love hearing from your doctor…
‘I know we told you that this was all over and done with but after reviewing your file, we’ve decided that we’re going to continue to send you for tests every few months’

Lindsey is back on Lump Watch...

Monitering for growth and the possibility of morphing into cancer.
More breast exams and ultrasounds in my future.

Sort of feel like a cheap whore, with how many people have felt me up over the last couple of years.
Cant we, for once, just let the boyfriend do that job :)

Life is peachy.