Saturday, January 9, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Hello 2010.
After removing this from public access, since really I didn’t want my personal ramblings linked to the blog I had created for my photography. I’ve decided to just open its own account, linking it to nothing. So yay for public access again for this blog…
2010 means a new outlook...
New Beginnings.
One of the resolutions is to take care of myself better...
Any one that knows me, knows that im ALWAYS sick and that i let myself burnout far too often.
- Must spend more time in the kitchen not only for eating better but I LOVE to cook. Seems to calm my mind and brings me happiness most of the time lol.
- To recognixe when I need a break from things.
- Learning how to balance everything.
- Making saving for a nice vacation a priority.
Another is to put more focus into Lindsey Dawn Photography and getting into ACAD...
- Really need to pull my portfolio together for the April 15th deadline.
- Need to book more shoots.
- Need a website.
It's set to be a busy year and im looking forward to it. Im ready to get the ball rolling. 2009 was a hard year. A lot of emotional strain, seemingly from every direction. Im glad to be puttting it all behind me.
2010 will my year.
L’s little goals of 2010
• Spend more time with the guitar & drawing pad
• See people more often
• Use blackberry less!
• Write people letters.
• More tea, less coffee
• Volunteer more.
2010 means a new outlook...
New Beginnings.
One of the resolutions is to take care of myself better...
Any one that knows me, knows that im ALWAYS sick and that i let myself burnout far too often.
- Must spend more time in the kitchen not only for eating better but I LOVE to cook. Seems to calm my mind and brings me happiness most of the time lol.
- To recognixe when I need a break from things.
- Learning how to balance everything.
- Making saving for a nice vacation a priority.
Another is to put more focus into Lindsey Dawn Photography and getting into ACAD...
- Really need to pull my portfolio together for the April 15th deadline.
- Need to book more shoots.
- Need a website.
It's set to be a busy year and im looking forward to it. Im ready to get the ball rolling. 2009 was a hard year. A lot of emotional strain, seemingly from every direction. Im glad to be puttting it all behind me.
2010 will my year.
L’s little goals of 2010
• Spend more time with the guitar & drawing pad
• See people more often
• Use blackberry less!
• Write people letters.
• More tea, less coffee
• Volunteer more.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
xmas.
One more day before Christmas holidays…
Cant come soon enough. I need a break.
I have a feeling that 2010 will bring change. That will hopefully bring some sort of happiness. Some sort of level of content.
What did 2009 bring?? I faced a cancer scare, a long-distance relationship and my father’s illness... It’s been a hard year… Perhaps my view of things has changed. May be I’m realizing what I need than that what I want.
I’m blessed with a great family.
I’m blessed with some pretty amazing friends.
As much as our relationship is battered and bruised, I’m grateful for another Christmas with my father. I’m still dealing with what happened in November, attempting to face my emotions over it.
Cant come soon enough. I need a break.
I have a feeling that 2010 will bring change. That will hopefully bring some sort of happiness. Some sort of level of content.
What did 2009 bring?? I faced a cancer scare, a long-distance relationship and my father’s illness... It’s been a hard year… Perhaps my view of things has changed. May be I’m realizing what I need than that what I want.
I’m blessed with a great family.
I’m blessed with some pretty amazing friends.
As much as our relationship is battered and bruised, I’m grateful for another Christmas with my father. I’m still dealing with what happened in November, attempting to face my emotions over it.
Friday, November 6, 2009
when it rains it pours.
Tuesday my world could have ended…
That if I had done something different, he might not have been here today.
Everything stops as you watch EMS trying to get a response from someone you love. Someone who can barely stay awake, let alone answer their questions. Sitting in the back of the ambulance trying not to shake as the paramedics ask you questions you have no answer to, that as far as you knew he was doing ok these last couple of days.
Looking down at the empty pill bottles in your hands, wishing you knew how much he had took or when he had taken them. Hoping that most of them were pretty much empty before he took them.
As the doctor told me that they might need to put in a tube to help him breathe, it took my own breath away. In the moment, it became harder to breathe myself. Up until that point, I was strong. Trying to not let emotions get to me.
It replays in my mind over and over... i want to scream. i want it to stop. I constantly need to try and focus on anything else. Perhaps i should have taken the last few days off from work but really its whats keeping me functioning. i need to be on top of things, everyone expects me to. Im the one that has to know the status of him and how things are.
I feel like I cant even breathe anymore.
That if I had done something different, he might not have been here today.
Everything stops as you watch EMS trying to get a response from someone you love. Someone who can barely stay awake, let alone answer their questions. Sitting in the back of the ambulance trying not to shake as the paramedics ask you questions you have no answer to, that as far as you knew he was doing ok these last couple of days.
Looking down at the empty pill bottles in your hands, wishing you knew how much he had took or when he had taken them. Hoping that most of them were pretty much empty before he took them.
As the doctor told me that they might need to put in a tube to help him breathe, it took my own breath away. In the moment, it became harder to breathe myself. Up until that point, I was strong. Trying to not let emotions get to me.
It replays in my mind over and over... i want to scream. i want it to stop. I constantly need to try and focus on anything else. Perhaps i should have taken the last few days off from work but really its whats keeping me functioning. i need to be on top of things, everyone expects me to. Im the one that has to know the status of him and how things are.
I feel like I cant even breathe anymore.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Inside My Head...
I’m starting to realize why im so drained all the time…
I’m in this constant state of stress…
My dad struggles from bi-polar and depression…
He’s been in the hospital more times that I can remember in the past 3 years.
I’m grateful that he gets himself there on the bad days, the days that he just doesn’t feel comfortable being with himself.
It breaks my heart that I can’t help him.
That he has all this pain.
Family meetings with the doctors leave me devastated.
How do you talk about your dad in that subject?? How do you deal with the fact that there is apart of someone you love that doesn’t want to live anymore? When he’s the one person who is always supposed to be stronger than you?
It never gets any easier. I worry everyday about him.
Then there is…
I’m scared shitless of my next breast ultrasound.
I’ve never been so scared of a 6-letter word. Cancer.
I know it’s beatable if it turns out to be that.
A year ago they found a lump…
I don’t think I’ll ever forget that doctor’s appointment...
The look of concern that fell on the doctor’s face as she did the exam, had another doctor came in to have a feel as well. Handing me a stack of papers to get ultrasounds and blood work done… Telling me to start taking a lot of Vitamin D…
‘You are too young so don’t worry’
Later in the week, seeing an article about how more young women are getting it now. Ugh!
Takes about 6 weeks to get in to get an ultrasound. More than enough time to get yourself completely freaked out.
I remember the moment I told my mom. Hearing the emotion in her voice as she told me that everything would be ok.
The first ultrasound they weren’t sure…
I’m now being monitored for growth… Next ultrasound is in a few weeks…
It will help determine if they will do a biopsy…
It could be nothing but can we please rule some stuff out already.
Can I get some answers already?
Everyone says that I’m so strong, then why does it feel that I’m ready to break…
I put on this brave face...
Make myself laugh when I can…
Don’t tell me my life is perfect.
Don’t tell me I don’t have anything to stress out about.
Because you don’t know anything about my life and you don’t care to know.
Next time you say ‘must be nice to get time off’, ask me why…
I’d much rather be at work. I hate doctors and hospitals.
I’m in this constant state of stress…
My dad struggles from bi-polar and depression…
He’s been in the hospital more times that I can remember in the past 3 years.
I’m grateful that he gets himself there on the bad days, the days that he just doesn’t feel comfortable being with himself.
It breaks my heart that I can’t help him.
That he has all this pain.
Family meetings with the doctors leave me devastated.
How do you talk about your dad in that subject?? How do you deal with the fact that there is apart of someone you love that doesn’t want to live anymore? When he’s the one person who is always supposed to be stronger than you?
It never gets any easier. I worry everyday about him.
Then there is…
I’m scared shitless of my next breast ultrasound.
I’ve never been so scared of a 6-letter word. Cancer.
I know it’s beatable if it turns out to be that.
A year ago they found a lump…
I don’t think I’ll ever forget that doctor’s appointment...
The look of concern that fell on the doctor’s face as she did the exam, had another doctor came in to have a feel as well. Handing me a stack of papers to get ultrasounds and blood work done… Telling me to start taking a lot of Vitamin D…
‘You are too young so don’t worry’
Later in the week, seeing an article about how more young women are getting it now. Ugh!
Takes about 6 weeks to get in to get an ultrasound. More than enough time to get yourself completely freaked out.
I remember the moment I told my mom. Hearing the emotion in her voice as she told me that everything would be ok.
The first ultrasound they weren’t sure…
I’m now being monitored for growth… Next ultrasound is in a few weeks…
It will help determine if they will do a biopsy…
It could be nothing but can we please rule some stuff out already.
Can I get some answers already?
Everyone says that I’m so strong, then why does it feel that I’m ready to break…
I put on this brave face...
Make myself laugh when I can…
Don’t tell me my life is perfect.
Don’t tell me I don’t have anything to stress out about.
Because you don’t know anything about my life and you don’t care to know.
Next time you say ‘must be nice to get time off’, ask me why…
I’d much rather be at work. I hate doctors and hospitals.
Friday, October 16, 2009
TGIF!
It’s been a short week due to the Thanksgiving holiday but really it feels like it’s been the longest week in awhile… I’m so ready for it to be 430pm and it too be over.
Horrible weather on Tuesday and Wednesday, brought havoc in many ways… I got stuck on the side of a main road here in Calgary on Wednesday morning. One of the days that I’m actually glad to still be working at this dealership… Two lot guys came over with one of the trucks and pulled me out, surprisingly only being late for work by about 30 minutes. I felt a little defeated by it but it could have been a lot worse as the city struggled to commute in the 5cm snowfall of the previous night. It took a pep talk to get through the drive on Thursday morning but by then, the roads were only a little icy.
First major snowfall of the year ALWAYS means busy for this industry… People realizing that they need new winter tires or getting tires switched from their summers. To those that all of a sudden feel the need they need to do everything to their car to get through the winter; Oil Changes, Winter Packages & etc. They decide that they need it as soon as possible and feel the need to show their frustrations when they can’t understand why we’re so busy. Maybe because just like you are, everyone is freaking out over the snow Then there are the break downs and accidents, bring a flow of tow trucks in and out of the parking lot.
Now that the snow is melting, the dealership is getting back to normal…. The panic is over, for now anyways. People will go back to putting it off again leading to another mad dash. UGH!
Going for drinks with A after work… Long Overdue…
She’s joining the military…. She’s bad-ass I know. It means limited time left before they steal her away I’ve decided I’ll be her military wife… hehe… Care Packages will include Nail Polish, Fashion Magazines & Mini Eggs…
Horrible weather on Tuesday and Wednesday, brought havoc in many ways… I got stuck on the side of a main road here in Calgary on Wednesday morning. One of the days that I’m actually glad to still be working at this dealership… Two lot guys came over with one of the trucks and pulled me out, surprisingly only being late for work by about 30 minutes. I felt a little defeated by it but it could have been a lot worse as the city struggled to commute in the 5cm snowfall of the previous night. It took a pep talk to get through the drive on Thursday morning but by then, the roads were only a little icy.
First major snowfall of the year ALWAYS means busy for this industry… People realizing that they need new winter tires or getting tires switched from their summers. To those that all of a sudden feel the need they need to do everything to their car to get through the winter; Oil Changes, Winter Packages & etc. They decide that they need it as soon as possible and feel the need to show their frustrations when they can’t understand why we’re so busy. Maybe because just like you are, everyone is freaking out over the snow Then there are the break downs and accidents, bring a flow of tow trucks in and out of the parking lot.
Now that the snow is melting, the dealership is getting back to normal…. The panic is over, for now anyways. People will go back to putting it off again leading to another mad dash. UGH!
Going for drinks with A after work… Long Overdue…
She’s joining the military…. She’s bad-ass I know. It means limited time left before they steal her away I’ve decided I’ll be her military wife… hehe… Care Packages will include Nail Polish, Fashion Magazines & Mini Eggs…
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