I’m starting to realize why im so drained all the time…
I’m in this constant state of stress…
My dad struggles from bi-polar and depression…
He’s been in the hospital more times that I can remember in the past 3 years.
I’m grateful that he gets himself there on the bad days, the days that he just doesn’t feel comfortable being with himself.
It breaks my heart that I can’t help him.
That he has all this pain.
Family meetings with the doctors leave me devastated.
How do you talk about your dad in that subject?? How do you deal with the fact that there is apart of someone you love that doesn’t want to live anymore? When he’s the one person who is always supposed to be stronger than you?
It never gets any easier. I worry everyday about him.
Then there is…
I’m scared shitless of my next breast ultrasound.
I’ve never been so scared of a 6-letter word. Cancer.
I know it’s beatable if it turns out to be that.
A year ago they found a lump…
I don’t think I’ll ever forget that doctor’s appointment...
The look of concern that fell on the doctor’s face as she did the exam, had another doctor came in to have a feel as well. Handing me a stack of papers to get ultrasounds and blood work done… Telling me to start taking a lot of Vitamin D…
‘You are too young so don’t worry’
Later in the week, seeing an article about how more young women are getting it now. Ugh!
Takes about 6 weeks to get in to get an ultrasound. More than enough time to get yourself completely freaked out.
I remember the moment I told my mom. Hearing the emotion in her voice as she told me that everything would be ok.
The first ultrasound they weren’t sure…
I’m now being monitored for growth… Next ultrasound is in a few weeks…
It will help determine if they will do a biopsy…
It could be nothing but can we please rule some stuff out already.
Can I get some answers already?
Everyone says that I’m so strong, then why does it feel that I’m ready to break…
I put on this brave face...
Make myself laugh when I can…
Don’t tell me my life is perfect.
Don’t tell me I don’t have anything to stress out about.
Because you don’t know anything about my life and you don’t care to know.
Next time you say ‘must be nice to get time off’, ask me why…
I’d much rather be at work. I hate doctors and hospitals.
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